Posts Tagged ‘teens’

In this world, where my 3 year old can use a mouse on my computer, as well as, if not better than me online safety is another part of ’street proffing’ your kids.  

While we are not that stage of chat rooms, messenger or Facebook, we will soon be, It’s never to early to talk about online safety with your kids.

The Street Smart Kidz program is a great site for general safety and they have a wonderful ‘contract’ for parents to discuss with children and for the child to sign.

 With rules like, I will tell my parents right away if I come across any information that makes me feel uncomfortable and many more, it is worth the visit. 

We have had a few emails from parents asking for some ideas for their tweens and teens for Christmas presents.  You can check out our Holiday Gift Showcase, but we also found a new and local company that creates custom graphic gear for outdoor sports. 

You can customize graphics to make you ski or snowboard all your own.  It’s an inexpensive way to get a totally custom and fresh look on your gear.

FreshFace is a great way to give your board (or skis) a brand new look without the high expense. Many times we’ve heard that our customers enjoy their boards (or skis) but would like to bring the style into this century. A FreshFace is the way to go! Our FreshFaces are temporary (you can update them as often as you wish), but they also last - for as long as 2 seasons.

To sum it up, The FreshPow! FreshFace^TM”  is a graphic that is applied to the top of snowboards, skateboards and other lifestyle sports equipment.  A great way to score points with your kids this Christmas.

Enter the code “YRPGift” during checkout, you’ll receive a 10% discount.

 

If you are looking for a fun Christmas gift for the Star Wars fan in your house check out the Millennium Falcon sled.  A fun way to get outdoors this snow season!  It’s designed for all snowy conditions, this inflatable sled is for hours of fun for your little (or big!) Luke Skywalker!

You can buy at Toys R’Us, Walmart, Canadian Tire and other places that sell toys. 

 

Parents spend a lot of time teaching their kids right from wrong. They show them what they think is right and hope they can keep their children from falling for negative peer pressure. Even though we work hard at raising our children to do what’s right, they will still make mistakes along the way. It’s not feasible to expect them not to make mistakes, but we can still help them learn to stay on track by utilizing some techniques to avoid peer pressure.

Parental Advisory: Talk to your kids about their music

Imagine this: you walk by your son’s room and hear his stereo blaring the following:

“Bowlish way in Lebanon, know 50 the bomb, I be at the edge of the bar, sippin’ a Don, I keep the bottle just in case, you never know when it’s on.”

This scenario, often with more explicit lyrics, is not that uncommon. According to a recent study in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine, adolescents aged 15 to 18 are exposed to 84 musical references to the use of alcohol or drugs per day, adding up to over 30,000 per year.

The study also found that pop music contained the least references to substance abuse of any popular music type, and rap music the most. In another study in Pediatrics, sexually degrading lyrics were found most often in rap and rap metal artists.

No doubt many parents at moments like these imagine themselves trashing the offending CD and forcing their teen to listen to the Beatles or Journey. But is that a good idea?

“Bottle up your own judgment,” says Marcia Beck, a Substance Abuse Social Worker at Toronto’s SickKids Hospital. She suggests sitting down with the child and actually listening to the music together. “Music has a strong influence on our kids but it’s also a tool to use as a window into our kids.”

Open a dialogue of honesty

Adolescents use music to help form their personal identity, often modeling their clothes, character, and behaviour after musical figures. In one study, listening to sexually degrading lyrics was also found to influence adolescent sexual behaviour. Music, in the form of televised videos, often promotes drug and alcohol use. In another study, 48 of 62 rap songs contained references to substance abuse.

Role models also frequently portray violence in music videos, with women being demeaned or injured by men. One study found that exposure to music videos was associated with rape acceptance in middle school males. Rap music videos have also been found to portray more violence than other music genres. So, what happens if your child listens mostly to rap, dresses the part, and ‘puts on the attitude’? Beck explains that there is no immediate need to panic.

“Open a dialogue of honesty that is age appropriate. Get to know who they are and why are making these choices.” Beck explains that it is important to know the dangers for each kid as an individual. “Your best shot at moving away from substance abuse is by knowing your kid. Listening to rap music may not be an issue for some kids, but for others it may be a way to validate the choices they make such as peer groups or violence.”

Be nonjudgmental

Some bad behavior choices may also mean that the child is dealing with issues such as depression. As a parent, getting your child to open up is a way to find out if this is indeed the case. “Kids know how you feel already and they won’t open up with their feelings if they believe they will get an earful. Be nonjudgmental, do not express any negative thoughts, and try to get the kid talking more,” says Beck. ”Say something like, ‘I hear you listening to a lot of 50 Cent. I like some of it, like the rhymes. But part of it I don’t get.’ Then ask him to explain why he likes it.”

At the same time, “be aware of your own feelings as you listen to your kid. Imagine bottling your own self-judgment and putting it outside of the door. Resist the urge to say ‘What are you talking about?’” Instead, Beck suggests, “say ‘thanks, this is really important for me to hear’.”

Help your child to make her own choices

If the lyrics are alarming, say things like “That sounded a lot like a sexual assault,” for example. Then ask the child to listen critically. Reinforce that your child is smart enough to understand the motivations behind the songs.

“It is important for a child to understand that there is a lot of money behind the music,” say Beck. “Understanding this allows children to make their own decisions and to understand that they are the consumers.” For example, ask your child if she thinks Hannah Montana or Miley Cyrus is really like that in real life. Explain a bit about how marketing works and the motivation behind the individuals and companies that promote these artists.

Then, after you have thanked your child for the discussion, you can find a way to deal with any judgmental thoughts or feelings that have arisen as a consequence of the talk. “Call your spouse, go for a walk, hit your pillow, or write in your journal,” suggests Beck.

Reinforce the element of family

If the conversation reveals a concern, Beck suggests explaining to your child that “as a family we won’t live with you not being okay.” Call your family doctor about a possible referral to an adolescent medical specialist or teen clinic to help with whatever specific problem your child is facing.

Talk to your kids about drugs or someone else will

Conversations regarding drugs should occur as soon as there is a reason to, such as when a child asks questions. “These conversations should start by age six,” says Beck. “Explain that there are two kinds of drugs. One kind is the type that parents and the doctor give that help the body work. The other type, doctors don’t give to children and they are not good for your body.”

By the time your child is eight years old, you should explain that some people use substances to take away feelings that they do not want to feel, such as anger, sadness, and frustration. Beck reminds parents that if you do not explain this to children, they will find it out at the school playground. “Tell your child that some people take street drugs because they make them feel good for a short period of time. But using it just once can be dangerous,” says Ms. Beck. Then explain to your child that it is important to talk to you if they are finding it hard to cope so that you can work on strategies together and get help if it is needed.

Be your child’s role model

Children model the behaviour of their parents. “Parents need to know the reasons behind their own use,” says Beck. A child seeing his or her parents having a glass of wine at dinner is one thing, but “understand that children are witnesses [to your behaviour],” she says. Watching a parent using a substance for the wrong reason can teach your child, inappropriately, that substances can be used to take away bad feelings. Similarly, parents may want to be careful not to listen to sexually degrading music when their children are around.

For those parents about to knock, we salute you

Children are influenced by the world around them, through the music they hear, their peers, and the media. Rock and roll has not only been the music of youth and rebellion, but also of freedom and idealism. No doubt your parents were concerned about the rock anthems of your youth. So who better to understand the value that music plays in a child’s life than you? With this in mind, the next time you are about to knock on your child’s door to discuss the disturbing music that is blasting, consider bringing along one of those anthems that inspired you as a kid to open the discussion.

~

Excerptedn with permission from the AboutKidsHealth website. AboutKidsHealth provides trusted answers from The Hospital for Sick Children for families’ health questions.

Insomnia in teenagers

The public health burden of adolescent insomnia promises to rival all other major psychiatric disorders, according to Dr. Robert Roberts, from the Public Health Department of the University of Texas. Dr. Roberts recently published results on the sleep habits of over 4,000 youths, ages 11 to 17, with follow-up one year later.

“Our data suggest the problem of insomnia among youths is comparable to that of other major psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse,” he says. The study appears in the February 2008 issue of the journal Sleep.

“For the majority of kids, sleep is as perfect as it will ever get until age 12. Then adolescence hits,” says Dr. James MacFarlane, a neurobiologist and sleep specialist working at the Hospital for Sick Children’s sleep clinic in Toronto. “Insomnia in adolescents is a matter of a collision of biology and emancipation.” Dr. MacFarlane explains metabolic changes create a sleep phase delay in the body, tempting the adolescent to stay up longer. “Mix that with free choice and a computer or video game in the bedroom and all of a sudden shooting people on a screen is what they’re doing instead of sleeping.”

Sleep deprivation vs. insomnia

Macfarlane says insomnia is often a symptom of a mood disorder. Adolescents who develop depression are also likely to develop insomnia. At the same time, while he believes there are some genuinely biologically based insomniacs, he contends that most teens who are not getting enough sleep are simply choosing to sleep less. Lifestyle pressures often encourage this behaviour. “People should know the popularity of caffeinated soft drinks is a real indicator that industry is tapping into the fact that there are many sleep deprived teens out there.”

If sleep patterns get bad, by the time parents bring their teens for professional help, problems often include not being able to get out of bed to attend school on time. “Sometimes there are a lot of other issues going on, and it’s really a non-sleep issue,” he says, “but just walk into a classroom of teenagers and you’ll find a lot of daytime fatigue.”

Talking with your teen about responsible sleep patterns

In addition to caffeinated drinks and computers, Dr. MacFarlane is quick to point to the television as another factor that prevents teens from sleeping enough. “I’m amazed when parents tell me a TV in the bedroom is ‘soothing’ for their children.” Dr. MacFarlane recommends taking the set out of the bedroom. “Blame it on the doctor if you have to.”

• Make agreements with your teens when you are not angry.
• Discuss what is reasonable pre-bedtime behaviour.
• Set rules about computer and television use.
• Do not let your child consume caffeinated soft drinks.
• Start early to prevent sleep problems later in life

Sleep patterns are established soon after a child’s birth. By the time a child is 17 months old, he or she needs to have established a regular sleeping pattern. This pattern will have a lasting impact, perhaps for life. Establishing good sleeping patterns in a child can go a long way to avoiding problems as the child becomes a teenager.

What you can do

Calm your baby or child down before bedtime to prepare them for sleep.

Understand that a child’s developing mind cannot filter frightening media images as well as an adult. These images can interfere with a calm night’s sleep.

Sleepwalking may actually be an indication of over-exhaustion.

Bedwetting is normal. How a parent reacts to bedwetting can have a huge impact on whether the behaviour stops or continues and becomes chronic. 

Excerpted from the AboutKidsHealth website. AboutKidsHealth provides trusted answers from The Hospital for Sick Children for families’ health questions. 

Dating in Junior High?

More and more parents are faced with this dilemma today. According to one survey, nearly half of teens between the ages of 11 to 14 years old are dating. This survey found that sex is considered a large part of dating by teens. Perhaps even more alarmingly, it also found significant levels of abuse in these relationships.

With this knowledge of the dating scene, why would you allow your tween to start dating?

“Teenagers often wonder two things: how to date and what a healthy relationship is,” says Jennifer Connolly, PhD, Director of the LaMarsh Centre for Research on Violence and Conflict Resolution at York University. “Parents should take an active role in teaching and helping their kids understand what normal dating behaviours are.” By understanding what “healthy” dating is at this age, parents can set limits and protect their child. At the end of the day, “it’s better than saying they shouldn’t date at all.”

What is healthy dating?

“What is healthy is being in a group of boys and girls and transitioning from same-sex-only groups into groups in contact with the other sex,” says Connolly. Groups can offer a safe, protective way for kids to learn. But at the same time, parents need to discuss not going too far too fast. Putting limits on what kids can do gives them time to understand in a more relaxed and informal setting, while giving them the confidence and skills they will need to move away from group settings.

Like adults, most kids think their peers are having more sex than they actually are. Connolly points to the reality that few kids actually rush onto the dating scene. Instead, they spend time in casual group contexts where boys and girls are together. There is interest, but they are not coupled up-which is normal.

Kids can gain a lot from being in healthy supportive relationships; it adds to their sense of competence and self esteem. At the same time, dating even in groups can be too intimidating for some, and it is important for your child to know that not everyone is dating. And if she is not-and even if she is just not interested yet-that is perfectly normal too. Dating is only one of many possible ways to develop self-esteem.

Why do tweens want to date?

“Kids at this age want relationships that are fun, and that can bring them together to learn about boys and girls. It is a whole new world,” Connolly says. Unlike someone in their 30s, young teens want to experience dating in a much less committed and long-term perspective.

Despite the lack of commitments, kids are still gaining something from the experience-they are learning. This learning phenomenon seems to carry over to all teens, regardless of their sexual orientation. Although defined gay identity is not typical until later adolescence or early adulthood, “interacting with the opposite sex at this age can be part of the gay youth’s attempts to resolve his or her identity questions,” says Connolly.

Where does sex come in?

“Parents, educators, and adolescents can benefit from knowing that light sexual behaviours can be considered normative at this time, whereas heavy sexual behavior, especially intercourse, is not,” says Connolly.

In her study published in the Journal of Research on Adolescence, Connolly found the majority of 12- and 13-year-old adolescents were largely confined to sexually “light activities.” These include hugging, holding hands, and kissing. The study also found that three out of four young teens have never pet above or below the waist.

It also seems that peers play a role in holding adolescents back from going further. “Although it varies by group, girls especially tend to have their own guidelines and rules that tend to limit extensive sexual relationships,” says Connolly. “Dating can be exciting and high energy but [generally] kids tend to prevent each other from becoming too intimate in those situations.”

What is not healthy?

Despite the statistics, there are some adolescents who become “couples” and engage in “heavy activities” such as petting or actual intercourse. These behaviors are not healthy at this age and carry both behavioural and physical risks, emphasizes Connolly. In order to deal with this, parents must have good communication with their child, which may require outside help. If your child is having sex in her early teens, Connolly suggests that parents speak with a family counsellor or a social worker.

Abuse should never be tolerated

Parents should always be on the lookout for signs of abuse, especially if their child is having sex. Abuse has been found to increase with sex at a young age. In another forthcoming study by Connolly, she also found that 15% of teens are in dating relationships that recurrently are aggressive and that the violence tends to increase in a second relationship.

“If you see physical bruises, it is quite serious abuse, but more often it is much more minor.” Pushing, shoving, aggressive, and controlling behaviour are more common. Connolly suggests encouraging your child to hang out with their friends at your house where you can monitor them and watch them interact.

If you think your child is being abused, you need to engage your child in an open discussion in order to help. “Even in middle school studies, we have seen that abuse and aggression can occur. It can happen out of the blue for a kid,” Connolly says. “Parents need to be aware and guide their kids to know it is not acceptable to behave or to be treated that way.”

Breaking up is hard to do, but it has its benefits too

Along with young love inevitably come breakups. But this cloud can have a silver lining: as hard as it may be to break up with someone, it can also be empowering to get out of a relationship that is not working.

“More often than not, breakups are neutral-positive or learning experiences. Only a minority of cases are upsetting,” explains Connolly. “Usually [the boy or girl] knows why the relationship ended and [they] usually feel they had a role in ending it.”

What upsets kids the most is when they are rejected and they do not know why it happened. This can make them feel inadequate. To help your child, Connolly suggests talking about the breakup, and trying to help your child take something positive out of it. You can start asking your son or daughter: “How was the relationship not good for you? How can you move forward in different types of ways?”

Tips for parents: What you can do to help your child

Allowing your child to date, even if done in a group, can be scary for many parents. Connolly offers this advice on how you can guide your child through the group dating experience:

• Get to know who is in your child’s group of friends and then make your home a place for the kids to hang out. This will allow you to get to know them and observe their relationships.
• Do not totally restrict your child. After all, it is often difficult-if not impossible-for parents to control children’s free time.
• Talk to other parents. They can offer insight.
• Talk to and listen to your child. If you are concerned about whom your child is dating, “Be sure to hear what your child has to say about it and try to find a compromise,” advises Connolly.

So, Dad, when your daughter asks if it is okay to go to the mall for a group date, instead of following your knee-jerk reaction and saying no, think about what she may be learning from it. It may just offer her the protection and knowledge you want to give her while giving her the opportunity to learn about dating while she still has the protection of her friends-and you-to rely on.

And when she goes on her very first date alone, you can rest assured that you helped prepare her with lessons and advice she needs to steer clear and out of harm’s way.

Kimberly Humphreys
Medical Writer/Editor, AboutKidsHealth.ca

Excerpted from the AboutKidsHealth website. AboutKidsHealth provides trusted answers from The Hospital for Sick Children for families’ health questions. www.aboutkidshealth.ca 

What do you want me to be when I grow up?

Parental and social pressures on adolescent career choices

- From the makers of WhyBecauseISaySo

In a two-part series of advertising features contracted by Colleges Ontario, this fictional drug was marketed with text reading “My son had ideas of his own. Obay put a stop to that,” and “Our teenagers don’t have their own goals anymore. Obay works like a charm.”

Bewildered onlookers were left scratching their heads as they stared at the poster’s beaming parents and shiny trophy children until the second part of the series revealed a large yellow sticker plastered over the original ad, reading “Luckily, Obay isn’t real. Unfortunately, though, the problem of pushing your kids to do what you want is - especially when it comes to their future. Believe it or not, university isn’t the only prescription for success. Help your children explore their options.”

Colleges Ontario advocates for the province’s 24 colleges of applied arts and technology, and while the group has an interest in this promotion, they do bring up a very important issue: do we really give our kids a choice when it comes to their career?

Starting young: career choices of children and adolescents

We cut their meat, tie their laces, and make sure that they have wiped after using the potty. And yet, at the same time, we ask them one of the most important questions they will ever have to answer: what do you want to be when you grow up?

The answer is not as simple as the colourful drawings of teachers, veterinarians, and firefighters found on classroom walls may suggest.

Cradled between finger-painting and applying for university, adolescence is a critical period during which individuals discover, one hopes, who they are and how they might like to earn a living. Studies have shown that job interests and aspirations formed in adolescence influence career choices made in adulthood. However, adolescents are vulnerable to environmental influences including peers, media, culture, and especially parents and family.

Parental influence: You can be anything you want … as long as I say it’s okay

Although there are many factors that contribute to career choice, parents and family are one of the most influential. Mark Franklin, career counsellor and president of CareerCycles, a career counselling and coaching organization, says with careless, subtle comments “[parents] say what is a good career and what is a bad career.” For example, “Painting is a hobby, not a career,” or a sarcastic “Isn’t it nice that Billy’s mom can afford to stay home and not have a real job” would strongly impress on a child that becoming an artist or stay-at-home parent should be crossed off the wish list.

“By the time parents figure out what the world is about, they think about job security, financial security, and prestige - particularly prestige,” says Franklin. These values ultimately resurface when children begin considering career options.

Adolescent girls may be particularly vulnerable; compared to their male peers, it has been argued that they are more likely to change their career goals to suit their parents’ wishes.

In addition to the regular pressures of adolescence, individuals of lower income levels may be further disadvantaged due to reduced access to resources, lower family or school support, and lower job expectations based on the types of jobs held by family and friends. “Career inheritance” is how Jelena Zikic, Assistant Professor of Human Resources Management at York University, describes these pressures. “Very often, what we see is a family tradition. Whether it is a trade, profession, or family-owned business, children are likely to follow that,” she says.

Intrinsically linked to parents, family, and career inheritance are ethnicity and culture. Zikic, who also does career counselling, says, “Students often explain that it’s really their cultural influences that causes their parents to impose specific careers on them.” Franklin agrees, noting a recent session with an Asian client in medical school whose cultural background focused on achievement. He explained that his parents pushed him toward medical school and he was confused about whether this was the career he truly wanted.

A career crisis may develop when there is a mismatch in terms of the ego strength of the child and the environmental pressures that challenge their identity. By definition, adolescents straddle the line between childhood obedience and adult independence. In a sense, they are learning how to make up their own minds, perhaps ignoring what they are told. However, judging by the multiple shelves of career self-help guides found in any major bookstore, it is not only youth who struggle with this problem.

What should I do with my life? And when?

Featured on Oprah several years ago, Po Bronson’s book What Should I Do with My Life? documents the career epiphanies of people of all ages from all over the United States. The book chronicles the often drastic career transitions of a very diverse group of individuals who, later in life, all asked themselves this same question: what do I want to do when I grow up?

Many books on the career paths people choose are predicated on the concepts of career maturity: the physical, social, intellectual, and emotional components that determine an individual’s degree of readiness to deal with the career demands appropriate for his or her age group. Essentially, it is the idea that specific career milestones should be reached by certain ages in one’s life.

Franklin, who spent 15 years as an engineer before pursuing a career in counselling, disagrees.

“There’s an underlying assumption that when you’re young, you can make a decision about what you’ll do for the rest of your life - most people don’t do that,” says Franklin. Zikic, whose research focuses in part on career transitions and career development, adds, “Children will reach what we call career maturity at very different ages. There won’t be one time in their life when they will be ready to make a decision - very often, there’s change. The world of work, in general, is changing a lot; nothing is really that fixed any more.”

Given these family pressures and shifting social changes, Franklin believes it is crucial that adolescents learn to identify their interests, wants, and needs apart from those of their parents. “When you really know and appreciate who you are, you will know what you want to do,” he advises on his website.

How can parents help?

Children will need to discover who they are on their own. And although parents are warned against imposing their own goals onto their children, they can most certainly act as a guide. Briana Keller and Susan Whiston recently published a study on the role of parental influences on the career development of middle school children. Along with Mark Franklin and Jelena Zikic, Keller and Whiston have the following suggestions for parents wanting to help:

1. Respect your child’s differences.

Family environments that show respect for differences and independence are enormously helpful to a child’s career development.

2. Show interest in and support for your child’s career plans.

Keller and Whiston found that showing interest in and support for their child’s interests and career plans proved to be more helpful than providing information about the careers or jobs themselves.

3. Focus on your child’s strengths and give names to them.

Parents are ideally positioned to notice their child’s strengths. By giving names to these strengths, parents can empower their child with a vocabulary for the skills that they have. For example: “You’re a really good people-person,” or “You draw really well,” or “You’re very creative.” But be careful not to make the next judgemental leap, which could be harmful: “You should be an accountant because you like numbers.”

By focusing on strengths, children will gain confidence knowing that their parents believe in them, and as a result, will feel more confident in their own skills for future career options.

4. Encourage your child to explore career options.

Your child may tell you that he wants to be a surgeon one day and then a cattle rancher the next. It is important for children to get a sense of what these jobs are like in real-life before they start pursuing them.

Here are a few suggestions:

• Job shadowing: Children can gain useful insight from activities such as Take Your Child to Work Day, or job-shadowing a family member or close friend with a profession of interest.
• Volunteering and part-time jobs: Teenagers and young adults will often have several part-time jobs before entering into the workforce out of school. Part-time jobs and volunteer opportunities can provide valuable experience sampling different careers. For example, working as a receptionist in a law office or volunteering as an animal attendant at a veterinary clinic would give students a taste of the inner workings of each profession. They will also learn about themselves and may be able to narrow down their options. For example, those who dislike babysitting may be able to rule out early childhood education.
• Get help: A recent Ipsos-Reid survey noted, given the chance to start over, “65% of Canadians would get more career planning or job information”. Encourage your child to speak to a professional for career help. For example, if your child is in university, encourage them to visit the career centre.

5. Be mindful of careless comments.

As mentioned earlier, children are very susceptible to careless comments parents make about “good” and “bad” professions. There are over 30,000 different jobs categorized by Canada’s National Occupational Classification. However, when considering career options, adolescents often consider only a fraction of one percent of them, often because of parental and social influences.

6. Remember, there is no plan.

Because we are all so different, there is no 7-step program that can guarantee instant career satisfaction. Your child will almost certainly make mistakes along the way, but learning from those missteps will get them closer to finding a career that will complement their unique set of skills and passions.

As Po Bronson writes in What Should I Do with My Life?: “Step one: Stop pretending we’re all on the same staircase.”

Further career resources

Free Canadian site for career information: Alberta Learning Information Service (ALIS): http://alis.alberta.ca/

Occupational profiles: www.alis.gov.ab.ca/occinfo/

Career quizzes: Service Canada:http://www.jobsetc.ca/toolbox/quizzes/quizzes_home.do?lang=e

Looking for a career professional?

Association of Career Professionals International (approximately 120 career professionals in the Toronto chapter): http://www.acpinternational.org/

The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need by Daniel H. Pink (2008) - paperback comic-book style career guide

 

Excerpted from the AboutKidsHealth website. AboutKidsHealth provides trusted answers from The Hospital for Sick Children for families’ health questions. www.aboutkidshealth.ca